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It's a header...Ya know, for the heads...



Who here has heard the "nice guy" or "nice girl" speech? Raise of hands?

For the uninitiated, here is the Ode to the Nice Girl: [link]

and the Ode to the Nice Guys: [link]

You know the one:

Where the [insert kind/funny/friendly/caring/blah blah blah] person is in Wuv with a capital W. Said object of affection ends up falling for the [insert sleazy/scummy/asshole/slutty/cheating/otherwise deemed unworthy] competition.

The poor protagonist mourns the curse of "only friends," and he/she subsequently rues said choice and how the Other is not good enough, doesn't deserve him/her.

As a previously self-labeled "Nice Girl," I used to subscribe to this school of thought. The usual "Alas! Why cannot he see that I love him more! I care more and am kinder, easier to get along with, more trustworthy," and numerous other ruminations of the sort. However, I've recently realized how egocentric and self-pitying this line of thought can get.

We need to stop making who someone ELSE falls in love with more about ourselves than about their lives. That excuse for a pity party is long over-used and is getting very old. To the "nice guys" who always whine about the object of their affections picking the jerk and the "nice girls" who bemoan their hunka-hunka-burnin'-love choosing the ho':

Try to accept the fact that liking someone as a person and friend does not necessarily equate chemistry. It doesn't change the fact that if someone is not interested in more than friendship, you should probably accept that role in their life and move on.

Seriously...do we really choose with whom we fall in love?

Who we end up with, who we date and relate and hook up with, sure. But controlling those mysterious tugs at our heartstrings? What we FEEL is not a rational, well thought-out process. That is only for our response to the emotions and whether or not we choose to pursue them.

Love itself is a fickle, funny and sometimes stupid occurrence. Why do us Nice Guys and Nice Girls fall for the Not-So-Nice dummies who don't appreciate us, rather than looking to each other for companionship and mutual compassion? Probably for the same reason that the ones we DO love fall in love with the "Wrong" person. We can't really control when it happens, and then bullheadedly pursue what WE want...rather than acceding to the right of others to choose who they want for themselves.

So, long rant put short: Shut Teh Face. Spend less time on the pity party and use that time more effectively in looking for one of the many people out there that could match up to what you're looking for...AND reciprocate.